Mattkins Diet: An Introduction

June 30, 2011

Mattkins Diet: The Comprehensive Alcohol-Based Guide to Superlative Health®*

Mattkins Diet® is an idea for a diet/fitness plan that came to me several years ago while I was trying to lose a few pounds. The thought of drinking less made me want to put my head in the oven, as did the idea of becoming obese. I knew that certain lifestyle compromises involving diet and exercise would need to be implemented were I to be a relatively fit lush.

This is not a plan describing the greatest health regimen in the world. Could an individual maintain better health by abstaining from alcohol or by drinking moderately instead of following the advice presented in this plan? The answer is yes. This is a plan for individuals who value the role of alcohol consumption in their lives to such a degree that they are willing to accept the consequences of their drinking while at the same time trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle in every other conceivable respect. Are you unprepared to live with the fact that, as a part of the Mattkins Diet, you cannot have 8 beers at night and two Egg McMuffins in the morning? If so, you may lack the discipline necessary for this strict lifestyle decision.

Stay tuned for many more posts outlining the details of the plan. And remember, only you can be you® (this might be the slogan for the plan).

Do not attempt to steal this idea. I have a vicious pack of intellectual property attorneys on retainer who would love nothing more than to turn your life into dog shit.

* In case you are completely fucking retarded, my first name is Matt.